Kids,ehh!! What do you do? No, really. What do you do?

It's Sunday today and that's got to mean swimming!! Hurrah!!



You always hear these people with kids going on, "Oh yes. Every weekend we take the children to Paris to visit the Louvre. Yes very educational. If not that then we go on a 'dig' with Tony Robinson. Only last week Tarquin found a previously undiscovered finth Century Roman coin blah, blah, blah"

Why can't these people admit it! There is a finite amount of things you can do with kids on a weekend, these are outlined below.

1. Swimming
2. Brewster Bears/Wacky Warehouse/Alan's Unlicensed Baby Wrestling Fun Hut
3. Supermarket
4. Park

If you choose swimming, it's not too bad if there's just the one child. But, two is a problem. You will inevitably get one who loves to fling it's self around the pool like an extra from The Man From Atlantis and the other will give the impression he's recently been bitten by a rabid bat

The Brewster Bear/Ball Pool/Jungle Gym option, BEWARE!! They give the impression that these are safe, fun areas for your child to be in. I'm not sure that throwing your kids in a ball pool full of plastic balls and what amounts to almost a gallon of kid piss is, in my opinion, that safe. There is the bonus that you can buy booze and get slowly pissed as your kids run around in a sugar and tartrazine induced psychotic frenzy, biting and fighting indiscriminantly.

The Supermarket. Ahh the supermarket. The one place the whole family can fall out. If it's not the kids screaming because they are, unfairly, being denied the new Cadburtles "Funny Monkey Knackers in Milk and Plain Crack" then it's Dad crying because he can't get any beer ("Ahh go on love, I'll get these. They're cheaper. I'll get 4 'Sainsburys Lager Flavoured Beery Drink') Then Mum just gets.......well shouty. I think it's built into a wifes psyche. "I'm shopping with family. Must shout."

The Park is probably the best bet. The kids can run about. You can sit on the grass, eating Fabs and soaking up the sun. There's swings and slides, loved by both young and old alike. However, there is also drunken tramps, young thugs, piles and piles of dog shit. Chavs, fighting each other while their Pit Bulls look on, smirking. And you can't get a pint.