BWAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! What about those old TV programs?

Do you remember when you were a kid? Summer holidays stretching into what amounts to almost a gallon of Autumn, warm sunny afternoons, playing out until it got dark, nothing to do but self harm, those summer nights.



And of course, TV.


TV when I was a kid was a very primitive affair. No CGI, no PAL, no NTSC, nor indeed any Ninonysoft Game Cast Box. No, we had to make do with puppets and bits of paper wrapped around, what looked like, a paedophiles finger, big pink soft toys and presenters with trousers so tight you could see what they had for breakfast. But the entertainment was real. It certainly wasn't throw away TV. No way! These programs were there for the long haul. None of this, "Two series, flog the merchandise, then can it, Tarquin" nonsense (see Stinky Monkeys Karate Workshop). These buggers are still around now, albeit not in this country. Check out my list below and feel free to add any of your faves. (This is such a GREAT comeback post, like I even went away!!!)

1. Get Your Pet Back: This was a classic. The production team randomly chose an address from the phonebook and, in the dead of night, went round and abducted a pet (hamster, rabbit, dog, lizard, Father that sort of thing). Then the child had to take part in a number of 'challenges' which, to be honest, were a little dangerous but super entertaining. The finale was the 'So Near and Yet So Far' game. The contestant had to run down a very narrow corridor with doors opening onto it as fast as possible to rescue said pet, which was tied up on a bed of nails with a ton weight over it held up by a flaming rope. As the child ran the doors would open and the wrestling stars of the day would punch the kid in the face as hard as they could. Come to think of it, I don't remember anybody ever getting their pet back. Do remember a lot of ambulance sirens over the closing credits though........



2. Mouse and Man Brain: This was a silent cartoon with a very simple plot. The mouse and the man brain were best friends but the mouse could never make any money to buy any food. As a result, the mouse, occasionally, would eat a bit of his best friend but him being a brain, he couldn't stop him. It ALWAYS ended with a shot of the brain crying while the mouse slept next to him, holding a full stomach. TOPS!!!



3. Dolly Molly: This was a puppet series. It featured, besides Molly, Postie Attacks, Policeman Apathy and Bumtreat the Butcher. Molly was a slag and put it about Floppy Town with gay abandon. I vaguely remember there was a different STI featured each week so it may have been a Public Information film.


Anyway, add your own.

TV, it is fucking best.